I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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