I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
