I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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