and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The struggles of a small town man whore
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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