Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
