Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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