he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Randomize
