Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
