So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
