My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
