I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
