is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Someone signed my nipple.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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