So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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