Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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