so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
