i think i have two assholes
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
