Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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