did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
