she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize