Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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