I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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