my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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