Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
