And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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