Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is Oprah even human
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
