Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
