She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
