this beer tastes like vomit already
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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