1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I need moral support for this bender
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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