MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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