Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
