Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
