Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
