every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
