I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
