put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize