just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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