similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
