I am puke
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
