Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
