he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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