you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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