yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
