I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize