my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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