Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
only if we run a train.
done.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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