That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize