Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
