i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
