She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
