Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
im on a boat
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