there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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