Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize