Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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