I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
