we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
