billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
