Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize