just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
