I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
