There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
