I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
