Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
