Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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