I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
