He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
