it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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