i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Randomize
