Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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