is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
