that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
