I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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