In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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