so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
