I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
